4 Types Of Very Common Self-deception (and How To Avoid Them)

Self-deception is a resource to which we sometimes turn to face difficult situations. Sometimes we do it consciously, but other times it is the brain that slightly alters our perception to safeguard our strength and integrity.

This mechanism has its virtues and its dangers: we must not forget that, to achieve our goals, there is nothing better than knowing the difficulties and facing them with the maximum clarity and energy possible.

Recognizing that your own business, friendship or love relationship has come to an end and therefore lacks a viable future, is often a painful process because it involves admitting the failure of a significant accumulation of previous efforts. It is very common, in these cases, to fall into self-deception and rely on short-term solutions that will never be really satisfactory.

Common types of unconscious self-deception

Conscious self-deception is part of the social habit of lying and healthy people repudiate it in a forceful, even aggressive way. When unconscious self-deception becomes conscious self-deception, it must be avoided if we do not want to fall into one of the worst behavioral pathologies, both individually and collectively.

But the denial of reality is not always done consciously; we are often victims of an unconscious process of self-deception. Scientists have found that there are at least four different situations in which our brain is highly likely to choose self-deception in an unconscious way.

1. If we perceive danger

The survival instinct in the face of great dangers or great catastrophes, such as a serious illness, an earthquake, a tsunami or an act of criminal violence can lead us to self-deception.

According to Mardi J. Horowitz, a professor of psychiatry at the University of San Francisco, anthropologist Robert L. Trivers of Rutgers University, and a number of evolutionary psychologists, the brain filters out those aspects of reality that make it unbearable and only pay attention to the ones you can digest immediately.

We do not find out the real level of gravity of the situation because it does not suit us, because, simply, we would feel unarmed to face it.

Our senses faithfully perceive reality as it is, but our attention is blocked by instinctive fear, and the true magnitude of the risks to be overcome does not reach consciousness. Unconsciously and automatically, the brain has censored information that would leave us in no mood to fight. It is a universal mechanism of adaptation to the environment that has the utility of improving vital expectations because it prevents us from falling into panic.

“Eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel”, the saying goes. If David panics, he won’t find a way to defeat Goliath. It is a survival mechanism that evolution has endowed the brain with so that we are more effective in the face of the dangers that threaten us. Ignoring the true magnitude of the threat makes us stronger and more aggressive against it, and therefore more effective.

2. If we feel guilty

A second type of self-deception has to do with self-esteem and consists of eliminating (or at least reducing) guilt for bad actions carried out in the past.

Professor Jonathan D. Brown, a social psychologist at the University of Washington, has concluded that it is adaptive self-deception: fully aware of our guilt in past actions would fill us with shame and self-pity and make it difficult for us to fully cope. powers current decisions.

As we can no longer change the facts, it is more adaptive not to fall into self-punishment and the easiest way to achieve this is to transfer the guilt of our bad actions to third parties, to special circumstances or – why not? – even to the own victim.

This form of self-deception also entails a serious danger, for ourselves and for others : if we do not recognize our responsibility we can never correct our mistakes. Let’s look at the use and abuse that abusers, torturers and some murderers make of this self-deception.

However, the psychologist Carol Anne Tavris warns us that the greatest problems of humanity do not come from “cruel and evil” beings, but from those who consider themselves good people, present themselves as such before us and justify their misconduct to keep intact that conviction.

3. If our self-esteem is at risk

A third type of self-deception that humans practice naturally and innately, except for people who are depressed, is the overvaluation of one’s qualities.

If a certain characteristic of our personality (lack of memory, for example) does not harm our self-esteem excessively, we can recognize it without problems; But if one of our characteristics (intelligence, for example) can be linked to a loss of self-esteem (due to lack of it), we automatically overvalue ourselves and come to consider ourselves part of the privileged elite of the most favored.

In an experiment that has been repeated in hundreds of similar formats, a group is asked to assess itself in a socially positive characteristic, such as its IQ, its altruism, its capacity for friendship or its right to go to heaven. More than 50% of the interviewees see themselves as part of the best qualified 10%; a mathematical impossibility that implies that a minimum of 40% must have been overvalued.

This type of self-deception has the virtue of improving our self-esteem and, consequently, our motivation to face the daily struggle of life. But it also has a danger: we can fall into narcissism, petulance and arrogance.

Applied to the scale of a human group, this type of self-deception can lead to a people being considered chosen by God; some believers, in possession of the only truth; a nation, with more rights than its neighbors, or a race, superior to all and with the right to eliminate the races it considers inferior.

4. If we need to change

The fourth mode of unconscious self-deception consists of overvaluing the capacity for behavior change and self-improvement.

These are some typical examples: “Smoking hurts me, but I’ll quit the day I get to it”; “I don’t go to the gym as often as I had proposed, but when I recover from this current slump, I will fix it”; “I have a few kilos left over, but one of these days I’ll start the diet and fix it quickly.”

Here it is convenient to differentiate self-motivation from self-deception. If I am obese, clumsy, and dance poorly, the self-deception consists in thinking that I am an excellent dancer. Instead, self-motivation consists of starting from an objective and honest knowledge of my current qualities and deciding that I can work hard to change them. My obesity can disappear with a proper diet, my clumsiness can be overcome with intensive body work, and I can take as many dance classes as I need.

Self-motivation is convincing yourself that you can change and achieve your desired goal without lying to yourself about your real possibilities or the multiple difficulties that you will have to overcome.

It has been experimentally shown that if a teacher continuously treats a competent student as if he were worse than he is, in the medium term the student becomes demotivated and becomes the bad student they claim to be. And, conversely, the student who is treated giving him the confidence that he can improve his performance because he has the necessary intellectual capacities, ends up being motivated and managing to achieve the image of himself that has been projected to him.

Good teachers, good coaches, good managers, good political leaders, are those who know how to motivate the people in their charge, firmly and charismatic authority preventing them from falling into self-deception and guiding them on the path of overcoming difficulties.

When FC Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola (currently mentioned in the main business administration schools as a motivational leadership model) welcomes the excellent youth squad player Leo Messi and makes him believe that he can become the best footballer on the planet, he lays down a sheet route that will lead to make this wish come true.

Having a dream can be the first milestone in a personal or collective story of improvement.

It may be true, as some philosophers have said, that life is nothing more than a dream, but what is clear is that good dreams feed the most interesting lives. However, for these dreams to come to fruition, it is advisable not to fall into conscious self-deception, but to know the difficulties to overcome and face them with all the strength and optimism of which we are capable.

How to avoid self-deception

1. Listen to others

Share risky decisions with affected people. Thinking that you always know what is good for others without having to consult them is a typical arrogance of self-deception. Propose your plan and listen to the alternative plans that those affected propose. It is likely that one of them will surprise you with a better proposal than yours. Intelligence is a gift that is unevenly distributed, but you are not the only one who possesses it.

2. Evaluate your actions

Ask for honest opinions from people to whom you give judgment and honesty. If you are always fully satisfied with your actions and decisions, it is most likely that you are falling into the self-deception of overvaluing yourself. Ask people you admire to unreservedly value your performances and prepare to be disappointed: you are not 100% perfect in everything you do. Nobody is.

3. Be open to criticism

Listen to the criticisms received, wherever they come from, and seriously analyze what they can be true. Do not make the mistake of ignoring them. Before taking away their reason, try to put yourself in the position of others and understand well what they are saying to you. Analyze with humility if they are partially right.

4. Fix your mistakes

If you have been able to come to recognize that in a certain action you were wrong, apologize immediately and try to repair it without delay. Do not fall into the self-deception of thinking that mistakes are irreparable and that it is better to forget them, that time erases everything.