The Good-hearted Ogre: The Character In The Story You Should Avoid

In romantic love movies they tell us that love can do anything and they make us believe that our love saves men, and transforms them into blue princes. The strategy is that you first feel sorry for the character, so that where everyone sees an ogre or a monster, you see a kind and charming prince.

An ogre is a disastrous guy who has some kind of fat problem: he is depressed and does not lift his head, or he is in debt and broke, or he is an alcoholic, or he is addicted to some drug, or he is a pathological liar, or he is lazy and abuses from others, or have violence problems.

For others he is an unpleasant or simply disgusting type, but your great sensitivity allows you to see for a few seconds that he actually has a big heart, that he is scared, and he just needs tons of love from a special woman who takes care of him and helps him to heal, to rehabilitate, and to change.

If he is the Beast … Stop becoming his Beauty!

It is the myth with which Beauty and the Beast is built, and many more stories: romantic salvation stories serve for women to put up with horrible guys who treat us badly, ruin us financially, suck our energy and abuse our goodness. The objective is that we continue to endure mistreatment for love forever and ever.

As women endure less and less, then each time they try harder to tell us wonderful stories of salvation and improvement in which, thanks to the love of a good woman, he stops being an aggressor and becomes a good, loving man, kind, generous.

Stop being ugly, stop being an addict, stop being a disaster … The miracle occurs because he lets himself be advised by the woman who loves him. He feels loved and important, so he begins to think that she deserves to be happy, and that her happiness depends on him changing.

So he changes because he “realizes”.

This is the moment of the magical transformation: he realizes how much damage he is doing to her, he realizes that she is worth a lot and deserves the best, he realizes that he is being silly and may lose her, he realizes that his salvation is in her.

When he “finds out”, he lets go, he lets himself be cared for, he stops treating her badly, and he allows her to guide and educate him. Somehow, he gets on his knees and admits that she is the one who knows, and she is the one who is going to save him, and so he begins to struggle to get out of the hole he is in.

Toads are toads: don’t forget

The moral of these tales is that romantic love turns a green toad into a prince charming. They sell us the idea that they will always love us if we are patient, if we give ourselves to the cause, if we give our best, if we sacrifice, if we have faith and hope in change.

These stories serve so that when you become an adult woman, you continue to believe in this story and continue to believe in the magic of love as when you were a child. So you make yourself believe that he can change, he can ask for help, he can leave his path to self-destruction, and he can stop treating the women he loves badly.

As we are no longer girls, it is very important that we are very clear that these stories are not fulfilled in reality, and that our love does not save anyone. You only get out of misery or disaster by working very hard and with the help of professionals.

We can change ourselves, but we can never change others.

The only way for a guy to stop being aggressive or drinking is to make himself aware of what is happening to him. The change only depends on himself and the inner work he wants to do to get out of there.

We cannot continue to fall into the romantic trap: the stories were written so that we women blindly believe in the magic of love, and so that we continue to suffer and endure horrible types in the name of love.

Now that we know what and why these stories were written, let’s be clear that love does not transform any monster into Prince Charming: only they can save themselves, be responsible, take care of themselves and commit to themselves.

We deserve a good life, keeping the good-hearted ogres far away and having people close by who work their things just as we work ours.