How We Build Self-confidence

They say that, in a valley in Japan, General Ho’s soldiers clustered on a hill while watching the enemy army advance. They were many more than expected, they were doubled in number, and from where they stood they could see their many banners waving. Fear seized them. “We can never beat them”, “There are too many”, “It’s crazy”, they commented nervously.

At that moment, General Ho came out of his tent, walked among his troops and, seeing them restless, said: “We will ask the gods about the fate of this battle.” And immediately afterwards, he raised his arm to show everyone, at his fingertips, a gleaming gold coin. “If heads fall, we will win; If the cross falls, we will lose! ”he shouted into the wind.

General Ho tossed the coin into the air and all expectant gazes followed it until it fell to the ground . “Cara!” The soldiers yelled. “We have the favor of the gods, without a doubt, we will win!” They said to each other.

Confident of victory, they fearlessly set out to confront the enemy army and, although they were far inferior in numbers, they fought bravely for hours to defeat it.

As they returned to their camp, one of the lieutenants commented to General Ho: “We won! This shows that it is not possible to influence the designs of the gods ”. “Do you think so?” Said Ho ironically, showing him the gold coin on the palm of his hand. He turned it around and then the soldier could see that both sides were equal.

If you think you can’t … you won’t

As the legend of General Ho exemplifies, where fear pushes us backwards, confidence can allow us to face the situation to do our best. But when people do not trust themselves, they often face fear prophesying failure. Thus they are not disappointed afterwards, but they incur a phenomenon known as the “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

Say goodbye to the catastrophic thoughts that lock you in their vicious circle.

They go about their tasks thinking over and over again: “I won’t be able, I’m not good enough,” and they think so much about this and so little concern themselves with what they are doing that, in the end, they actually fail. This is how they confirm all their catastrophic thoughts, building a true vicious circle. Of course, there is always the consolation of saying: “Have you seen? I already told you ”, but if we do not want to console ourselves with being right and what we want is to get out of this circle, we will have to be willing to take a certain risk, and perhaps have to say:“ I was wrong ”.

Belief is power?

Not trusting yourself is almost a guarantee of failure; unfortunately, the reverse is not the case. That is, while it is true that trusting yourself increases the chances of giving your best, we should not fall into the trap of believing that trust always ensures success.

What is self-confidence?

Confidence in myself is not blind vanity, but the willingness to go through some insecurity and know that I can handle it. Above all, the latter. Confidence lies in the certainty that whatever the result, I will be able to face it, that I will not collapse even if things do not turn out the way I wanted. I will feel sorry, yes, but I will not give up. And if I become aware of this, I will be able to face almost everything that I propose in life.

In this way, beyond the result of any company, self-confidence favors our personal growth because it encourages us to face what hinders or frightens us. The experience – not the result – is what makes us grow as people.

Trust is not a passive virtue that comes out of nowhere, we cannot wait for it sitting in the armchair at home, we cannot think that everything will be fine and that’s it. Trust is neither obtained nor exercised passively. It is built and exercised daily.

How to exercise self-confidence?

Above all, I must spend some time learning about and evaluating my abilities. I mean valuing, not in the sense of appreciating, but in the sense of measuring. Having a clear idea of ​​my strengths and limitations will help me perform better in what I do, and I certainly believe that to gain confidence it is essential to do. You learn, you build, doing.

Many times we find ourselves saying, “I can’t do it, I lack confidence” or “I lack self-esteem.” The paradox is that just going through those experiences that we avoid is what could help us gain confidence or self-esteem.

If we venture we will gain confidence because confidence does not depend on the results that one obtains. Trust is built through uncertain experiences, which in turn will encourage us to undertake new ones.

All of this doesn’t mean that I can’t prepare and work to meet my challenges with greater poise, far from it! In fact, the word trust also means “to take care of.” This meaning is for me the most clarifying because it expresses that, when I trust myself, I put something in my care, I make something depend on me, I am responsible for working for it, caring for it, nurturing it and carrying it out.

When I say, “I trust myself for this test,” I am also saying, “I put this test in my care, I prepare, I study. ” When I say: “I trust my marriage”, I am expressing: “I put my marriage in my care, I take care of nurturing it, of strengthening it. ” Trusting others is knowing how to give yourself, give before receiving, defending your own needs and desires. Trust is to feel that we can enjoy.

Trust is built through uncertain experiences

Seeing things this way puts us in an active position and gives us more freedom – also more work. Freedom to carry out the projects that fill us and that give meaning to our lives, and work because any learning requires a good dose of energy.

If we manage to know our capabilities and our limits, if we understand that we are fallible but that that does not end with us, if we put the things that interest us in our care instead of leaving them to their own devices … we will be able to face the challenges of life with trust. We will be able to bring to fruition what we propose and what life, in turn, proposes to us.