Christmas, Sad Christmas

The other day, at the beginning of November, I was shopping in a mall when, suddenly, a repertoire of Christmas carols began to blare through the PA system. When I got to the supermarket checkout, the Christmas carols kept playing incessantly, so I commented to the boy who was attending me that he still had many days, until the end of the holidays, of listening to Christmas carols.

The young man replied that he did not care much, but that he was remembering several customers who avoided his store when Christmas time approached . They have a terrible time, the boy told me, so they don’t come around here for a while.

At that moment, Raúl came to my mind, a young man who some years ago came to consult for other problems, but who had a deep rejection of the Christmas holidays. I remembered how he commented to me with some vehemence: “I can’t stand them Ramón, every time the Christmas carols start, I feel a deep rejection, discomfort, even hatred. My stomach turns and I just want to scream for those voices to shut up. I can’t stand it either. the smells of stews, everything turns me upside down when I think of turkey, raisins, nougats. I hate Christmas, he told me, I deeply hate it, he repeated. “

When we inquired into Raúl’s childhood, he remembered how when he was little, both for Christmas Eve dinner and for Christmas lunch, all his cousins ​​and uncles would always celebrate the holidays at his house. He did not like these visits, they were not kind relatives, they were the cause that he, as well as his brothers, but especially his father, had a very, very bad time at this time.

He remembered with special bitterness two aunts, his mother’s sisters, experts in being cruel to his father, a depressed and sickly man with many problems in his life. These women, for hours, used to criticize and pressure him about his work, how little he earned, how useless he was, how little worth he had.

Throughout the evening, the tension grew, added to the drink, until the precise moment arrived, in which the boy’s father could no longer bear the pressure and ended up suffering a deep attack of anger. Raúl remembered with horror how, in those moments, his father, for long minutes, screamed uncontrollably. The boy suffered a lot seeing his father out of his mind until the moment that exhausted, he ended up crying and went to hide in his room.

Seeing his father like this, he was devastated, he felt helpless and, after time, he ended up hating parties and all their paraphernalia : the Christmas carols on TV, the leftover stew on the table, the nougat on the trays , the cruel laughter of her relatives making fun of her father, the attitude of her mother, sheltering in the kitchen without facing her sisters.

The boy never understood how, year after year, his mother kept inviting these toxic relatives into her home. When I asked her openly, she always said: “I have to do it, it is what I have to do, the older sister has always invited the whole family to parties.”

After understanding where his rejection of Christmas came from, Raúl was able to overcome it. Nowadays, since his children are excited, Raúl celebrates the holidays. He does it in private, without grandparents or uncles, preparing food together and enjoying simple dinners and meals with his little family.

At this time when tensions are frequent in many families, we have to safeguard our self-esteem and that of our children by avoiding situations such as those experienced by Raúl. The holidays are to be able to rest and spend a few good days together as a family, not to suffer.

Let’s put harmful family commitments aside, stand up for ourselves, defend our children, reject abuse, and enjoy our days off with the people who truly love and respect us.