The Dog In The Manger, Who Neither Eats Nor Lets Eat

There are people who have a hard time closing a love story, even if they have decided to end the relationship.

It is difficult for them because although they do not want to be with a partner, they do want to enjoy the best that the partner has, but without being emotionally committed to it.

It is a “neither with you nor without you”: the other person leaves you, but comes back again and again, or never leaves at all.

There are many songs of lovers who lament for not being able to leave a relationship in which they victimize themselves to be able to enjoy with the other person after breaking their hearts.

It sounds strange that they lament because they want to leave their beloved but cannot. They prefer to keep her imprisoned waiting for the romantic miracle, and for that they sometimes use manual techniques so that they believe that deep down, he does want to be with them, and that the crisis will pass, and he will return to them.

Why do they keep us in suspense?

The main reason why someone neither eats nor stops eating is the Ego, which always needs to be the center of attention, and which is delighted when one or more people focus their lives on them.

The Ego loves to feel admired, loved, loved and idolized: it needs to awaken strong emotions in others to feel powerful. And in this, men tend to get carried away by the Ego and its need to reaffirm their virility by having many women on their knees begging for love.

It makes them feel very powerful to have multiple women around them competing with each other for the alpha male, and so they don’t quit relationships altogether.

They do not stay, they do not leave, and all the time they demonstrate how much their indecision makes them suffer so that the other person feels compassion for the suffering in which the dog in the manger lives.

Selfishness and lack of empathy

It is all a pantomime to continue exercising its power. He is so selfish that in reality the only one who has the freedom to come and go is him: the other person is waiting for him to arrive.

Or she tries to make her life, but inevitably she has him very present, and almost always, or always, she falls back when he appears.

And sometimes, it never goes away at all.

He distributes one of lime and another of sand, raises false hopes in the other person, and hardly feels empathy for his partner or ex-partner. They don’t act thinking about how you feel, but what they need.

He does not care that the other person suffers, or that he stays in the mud trying to free himself from himself without succeeding: it gives them the power to feel that another person suffers for them.

This happens because machismo makes men believe that we are there for their enjoyment until someone better appears.

Or that they can enjoy all those that are available, without having to give up any: if you are not a couple, then you do not have to be faithful, nor do you have to give explanations.

How to get rid of the dog in the manger?

Understanding why there are people who behave like the dog in the manger can help us to break the relationship for good. There are several things you can do to put an undecided ex behind you.

• The first thing is you, your well-being, your mental, emotional and physical health. The first thing is to take care of yourself: if a relationship with your ex makes you unhappy, then you should walk away to avoid suffering.
• If you are in love with an ex who does not leave and does not stay, it is best to set a date for the last conversation where you can cut your losses and establish zero contact.
• You can talk to him about the benefits of total and absolute disconnection for a few months, maybe a year, and how well it will be for both of you.
• You can propose that in case of an emergency or a tragedy, it is friends who put us in contact.

• You can tell him that it is important for you that he respects your decision, it is about going through the duel and disengaging, and maybe reconnecting when you have rebuilt your life and feel like it is to turn your ex into a friend.
• Keep firm. Generally, the dog in the manger resists and protests, because it will always look for an excuse to get in touch with you, to try to have power over you, to feed the thread that still unites you and not lose you altogether.
• If he decides not to collaborate, then you have to do the total disconnection in networks yourself, not answering calls, not answering messages, and if he insists, blocking him without guilt and without remorse.

• Remind yourself how important you are: we must leave the relationships in which we are not having fun, we must learn to put limits to the desires and needs of others, and prioritize what you need, and what you want.
• Put yourself in the center. It is easy to get rid of the dog in the manger: you just have to take it out of yourself to put yourself in the center, and leave it behind so that it will soon become part of the past.